I choked up before I could even speak a word. The ultrasound confirmed my worst fear, the cancer that had been confined to a small area of the abdomen, had now taken over the whole abdomen. She was going to die. I knew I needed to tell mom, but the words wouldn't come, I just looked at mom with tears running down my cheeks and she knew. She started crying as I finally found my voice and started telling her the cancer had spread and her beautiful daughter was not going to be around much longer.
She understood, maybe better than any other patient has understood, that one they love is dying. She immediately reached out and held her daughter and cried. I put my arm around her, and on Vero's head and cried with them. Cried for the years she will never have, for the medicine that quit working, for this mom who trusted me with the life of her daughter, bringing her each week for treatment, for this child who has met me with a smile each week, despite the pain she feels. Mom didn't say much, she couldn't and neither could I. I was looking at Vero and caught her looking from her mom to me and back again. Despite being only 3, she knew something was wrong. Tears are a normal part of her visits, but only her tears when she gets the chem. Her mom and I don't normally cry. Vero too started crying, what she knew or understand I will never know, but I know she knew something with her wasn't right, why else was her mom holding her so tight and was this "ambang" (white lady) crying.
I imagine that we weren't the only ones crying, I think God was also crying. Not just for Vero, but for all the hurting kids and adults around the world who are suffering. I am thankful that Vero will get a new body without cancer and will have a heavenly father who loves and will look after her.
I have no answers for mom, I have no answers for my own questions as to why Vero, why didn't the medicines work, why couldn't Vero be in another country with different chemo options, why couldn't she grow up and go to school or be married and have kids? But I know God is good and loving and is sufficient in all our trials. I pray Vero's mom can help show that love to Vero in these last few days, and God will give me the strength to keep fighting for the lives of these little ones.